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December 31, 2010

WHO WANTS A MAN OF GOD












I challenge you to a game of chess.

The Loser treats the winner to a berry muffin and latte. Large. Four extra shots of expresso.

Just a challenge at chess

RE: WHO WANTS A MAN OF GOD

dear michael.

please.  why did you challenge me to game of chess?  i specifically did NOT mention chess as one of the games i like in my profile because it is NOT one of the games i like.  so i do NOT accept your challenge, nor do i want to buy you a berry muffin or a large latte with four extra shots of "expresso" as you write it (it is properly spelled espresso).

now to your profile.  i really don't think we're anywhere near a fit.

first, i don't understand your calculation that there are two women on this site that are a fit for you... one at 38% because you both shop at costco (i don't shop there) and the other at 99% because you're not a dog lover, you're a dog hater (i have two dogs that i LOVE).  if i were anywhere close to being either of those two women, i would understand your message.  but i'm not.  so why write?

next, and this one is very hard for me to understand, you say that you "are NOT open minded," that you "live by the word of god."  since when did living by the word of god close anyone's mind?  you say that you are BLACK MAN who is muslim and that being muslim means "submitting oneself to the word of god."  wha' tha'?  the koran sets forth standards by  which to live, but does not force one to submit one's life to a close minded view of the world.  but as it seems to have closed yours, i have no interest in even conversing with a dog hater who misinterprets religious texts.  what, would i have to listen to you spout wisdom and accept it as the pure truth without debate?  and you say you're "selfish," you want your "woman all to yourself?" that is sick.

this is what you write under education:  "Seek Ye FIRST the Kingdom of God, and its Righteousness, and ALL things will be added unto You." "The Fear of The Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom". "I God, Am The Best Knower, This Book, there is no doubt in it, is a Guide to those who keep .....

huh?  is that a college i'm supposed to recognize?  did you receive your masters in righteousness?  your mba in fear?  your doctorate in "i god am the best knower?"

and under pets you write:  I'm really into Fasting, Praying, and Studying. How many men have you ever met in your life have asked you to go on a "Fast" with them? I believe in Elevating myself Mentally, Spiritually, and Physically. If we shut up we just might hear God.

is that an iguana or a pot belly pig?  no, i've never met a man who has asked me to fast with him and i hope i never do... i don't think i could go a month without taco bell.

and finally, for fun you collect silver.  would that be bullion or silverware?

in all honesty it's your closed mindedness and hatred for dogs that makes me dislike you.  i can appreciate one's respect for religion, for honoring it and living one's life by it, but i think you've taken it to the point where you want to possess a woman and force her into submission in order to live by your word.  boy did you pick the wrong girl to write to.

forget you ever saw my profile.

NICE GUY SEEKS NICE WOMAN














How are you? I can tell from your profile that you are a very sweet and thoughtful person. I would love a chance to get to know you better. Have you ever been to Hawaii? That is where I live but I am actually in Santa Barbara right now visiting my family for Christmas and may be staying a while. I hope you had a nice Christmas day. Are you doing any traveling for the holidays?

If you want to see where I live you can go to http://.... and then click on Hanalei.

If you want to see some photos of me (from last Christmas in Santa Barbara) you can go to:
http://.....

I would love to hear from you :) I hope you are having a great day!
Dan

RE: NICE GUY SEEKS NICE WOMAN

dan.... it's very nice of you to consider me a sweet and thoughtful person, and to want to have a chance to get to know me better.  and actually yes, i have been to hawaii.  one of the worst trips of my life.  i got a body scrub on my first day in kaui right before going into the sun - nobody mentioned to me this might be a problem as my baby pink just scrubbed skin would be ripe for the pickin' of the uv rays.  cut to:  third degree sunburn on my legs.  hiding in my room the entire trip, unable to walk.  cortisone shots to prevent scarring.  not the warm fuzzy memories most people have.

anyway, i don't really get the whole "you live in hawaii but are visiting santa barbara" contradiction.  a. santa barbara might as well be as far away as hawaii to me.... just because you made it to the same state doesn't mean - woohoo! let's meet!  and b. you're 49 (which on this site means you're 60) and looking for a girl within 500 miles of hawaii (what, are you some sort of sugardaddy willing to relocate your perfect mate for your perfect life together?), who is between the ages of 27 - 42 (27 ????), 5'2" and 5'11" (the only height range that takes me out of the running as i'm 5'1", lol), of any weight, of any ethnicity, speaks any language, is of any level of education, income, and can even be an alcoholic.... but doesn't smoke (the other only category that would cut me out).  that shows me very little level of commitment.  if you're not willing to commit to what you're looking for are you willing to commit to any sort of relationship?

dan, at your age i would expect more.  i would think you'd have some goals in mind for how you'd like to proceed with the last twenty years of your life, not just, "hey girls!  i'm here looking for nothing."  oh, and i just noticed... you're looking for a woman who is "very active."  that's definitely not me.

so, besides my being the wrong height, a smoker, anything but active, and not wanting to make the 8 hour flight to commute in order to date a 60 year old man who has no interest in committing to anything, i think you're not very good looking.  things wouldn't work out in the end.

i hope you had a nice christmas too, and got lots of good presents.  maybe one of them was a message from an active, non-committal woman willing to commute to hawaii.

December 28, 2010

CRIBBAGE ANYONE

















I want someone to spoil and to be spoiled in return! What is Love really? Is it wanting to be loved,...opening your heart even though it hurts and you have to put up with things you find intolerable...but you do it...because those shared moments are the only ones when the world stops spinning and things feel right? My name is Dave, I am 6'4" and live in Black Forest, Colorado....I am seeking a companion. I love to ride my Harley and horses ....I enjoy boating, hiking, fishing, camping, 4x4s, bowling, playing pool, playing cards, home improvement projects, and travel. I'm looking for my partner in crime (nothing illegal) and lover! I enjoy the country style of living and looking for someone to share life with. I love children and have the perfect ranch to raise them on! Yes I am stable and have a good job... Dave

RE: CRIBBAGE ANYONE?

hey there dave....  so i see you make one to five million dollars a year.  wow.  i'd say you're a millionaire.  and yet you're on this site writing to me from "black forest, colorado."  where is black forest?  is it one of those little enclaves like "beverly park" in beverly hills?  where only the richest of the rich live?  nope.  just looked it up.  it's not a city.  it's not even a town.  it's a census designated place.  the residents decided not to incorporate so it's just an "unincorporated community."  population 11,000.  95% white.  center of town is where the volunteer fire company and the community center meet.  dave, why do you live in the middle of east bumfuck?  and are you a white supremacist?  hmmm.  there's something that just doesn't add up.

so you're 43, looking for someone who "keeps it real," can "cook healthy food," will be your "workout partner" and your "lover."  where's the relationship in that?  oh, i see, you're just looking for a companion....

you know, i just have to throw this out there.  you're one of those guys who creeps me out from start to finish.  to start your message with:  "i want someone to spoil and to be spoiled in return!"  eeeewwwww.  yuck dave.  don't ever start a message that way again.  in fact, don't ever write that in a message.  ever.  promise?  never again.

and next time you try to woo a city girl with your fake millions to move to colorado destination unknown, lie and say you live in a big city, don't say your favorite things are harley davidsons, home improvement projects, bowling, and playing pool (that's like giving away your hand in poker), and never say anything about spoiling.

since you gave me your hand,  dave, i'm not stepping foot anywhere near an airport.  what, to be welcomed by you and your harley for the ride of a lifetime off to your mcmansion?  only to find the mcmansion is really a doublewide (complete with stick up lights) on the side of a long winding dirt road?  you know it happened to me once before.  fool me once, shame on you.  fool me twice...

so dave, not gonna happen.  sorry bro'.

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

















I enjoyed reading your profile. You seem like an interesting person. I am not happy, well adjusted , but I love my mother and am just a boy....try speed card on your smart phone.

RE: PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

hi moby....  i'm so sad that you're not happy :(  is there anything i can do to change that?  maybe i can stand on my head.  or jump up and down while patting my belly and rubbing the top of my head?  what is it that makes life so sad for you?  you're only 37.  you can't have hit that "i'm not married and don't have kids" crisis yet.  men don't have that until they're in their 40's.  i mean, maybe you're having some health problems.  you did say you were 5'6" and stocky.  but i'm guessing that's not what's keeping you down in the dumps.  i know your family is from iran and that could cause some stress what with all the political turmoil.  but somehow i see you in a different light.  not bogged down by politics and drama.  i mean c'mon, your favorite bar is the tiki-ti in hollywood!  and you've always wanted to go to montana!  you know, if you ever make it there, you could always go cow tipping. :)

well moby, i do hope you cheer up, but i don't think this will help.  you and i?  not written in the stars.  i don't know what speed card is (it's not on my phone) and i don't enjoy being active / hiking / riding bikes / camping / playing sports - i'm more of an eating / sleeping / shopping / sleeping / eating / taking a bath kind of girl.  oh, and i definitely wouldn't let you "row-sham-bow" my grandma for shotgun.  that's a little too competitive for my taste.  what's next?  arm wrestling the pregnant lady on the subway for the last seat?  speaking of which, i had a rather unfortunate subway accident the other day.  i fell on my face just as the train was coming down the tracks and i dropped my blackberry and it went sliding off the platform and onto the tracks just as the train whizzed by.... all i could think of was losing my brickbreaker high score.  luckily the subway attendants were able to recover the phone unscathed.  can you imagine?  brickbreaker score intact.

anyway moby.... find yourself a nice girl with a smart phone.  you'll make a perfect couple.

December 20, 2010

DEAR AUDREY HEPBURN












I haven't seen you since our Roman holiday. When I was in Tokyo about 6 months ago, I thought I saw you. Did you happen to be standing next to that vending machine in Ginza?

RE: DEAR AUDREY HEPBURN

hey ahmed.  you know, i really would be impressed by your wit if it didn't come with the freakish fact that your moniker is "jihadoflove."  i actually kept your message in my inbox for the last five days deciding whether or not to respond.  and every time i saw that "jihadoflove" i just couldn't bring myself to reply.  but today i mustered up the gut to go to your profile... and your headline read "let's adopt a black baby."  ahmed, i don't think i'm ready to adopt, nor am i ready for a jihad - even if it is one of love.  but thank you for thinking of including me in your future plans.  i'm sure that your wild overthrow of love with black baby and barefoot wife in tow will be a huge hit with the republicans.

oh, and by the way, it WAS me by the vending machine in ginza.  i was on my way to onitsuka tiger to get a pair of black manga's.

December 18, 2010

I LIKE YOUR PROFILE













Hi. How are you?
I enjoyed reading your profile and would be interested in knowing more about you.
I'm originally from Chicago. Where are you from?
When was your last trip to Tokyo?
Please let me know if you'd be interested.
Take care.

Jay

RE: I LIKE YOUR PROFILE

hi jay.  i'm good.  thank you for asking.  i'm glad you enjoyed reading my profile.  i enjoyed reading yours as well.

chicago is a nice town.  i hear they have nice hot dogs.  i've never had one myself.  i'm from middle america but never made it to chicago.  i know, not so interesting.  but i made it to los angeles and that's all that matters.

my last trip to tokyo wasn't long ago.  when was yours?  i bet you go there a lot.  i wish i went that often.

so i have to let you not that i would not be interested.  

see, i'm not a fan of the things you want your mate to have, "ethics and morals, compassion, honesty, emotionally healthy, mentally stable, know how to love, trust, and skips the head games."   these are things i can't really relate to.  ethics and morals?  wasn't that a philosophy class in college?  honesty - well i frequently lie in order to get what i want.  mentally stable?  doesn't everybody suffer from some sort of personality disorder these days?  i know i do.  know how to love - i know how to be loved, but giving love isn't really my thing.  i prefer to take.  trust?  well i was never good at that game where you're supposed to fall backwards and believe that everyone is going to catch you.  and regarding head games, i wouldn't know how to win a fight without messing with your head.  and i like to win.

then there are the comedy clubs.  all i can think of is michael richards racist rant.  it has scared me away from comedy clubs for life.  and i hate the staples center.  it's HUGE, and i'm small. and you like the beach.  i don't.  i always get sand everywhere and it's totally annoying.

really, it's not that we're so different, i just think we want different things in a mate.  i want someone who will submit to my every want and need, someone who is inactive, hates the outdoors, and has a lot of money so he can take care of me in a luxurious lifestyle.  and i don't really think that's you.

so i'm sorry that i wouldn't be interested, but with your polite demeanor and completely normal desires, i think you will easily find the woman of your dreams.  here's to those "ethics and morals, compassion, honesty, emotionally healthy, mentally stable, know how to love, trust, and skips the head games."  good luck!

THOSE ADORABLE EYES
















Your profile definitely caught my attention . . . with those adorable eyes. : ) I would enjoy getting to know you better. I see that you like traveling. Same here, I've been to 26 countries and counting. Your next favorite destination? T.

RE: THOSE ADORABLE EYES

hi t.  i do have adorable eyes, don't i?  thank you for noticing.

re traveling, i'm not quite sure that's something special that we have in common or can bond over as i think about 99.9% of the people on this site enjoy traveling.  it's one of those cliches like "i love walking on the beach" or "i want a partner in crime."  purely a conversation starter and a pathetic one at that.

you, "where do you want to go next?"

me, oh, "i want to go to hoi-an."

you, "that's funny, me too.  we should go together."

couldn't you ask if i like slugs?  or if i know how to make a citizen's arrest?  or what the mechanism is that makes febreze work so well?  anything clever that would grab my attention...  but instead i get "i see that you like traveling."  well duh.

now i'm really impressed that you're willing to drive 120 miles for a date which i deduced  from your profile as it says that you're looking for someone within 120 miles of monarch beach, california.  well you may be willing, but i'm not willing to reciprocate, and sharing is the key to a successful relationship.  ours would be doomed from the start.

this is especially true since your favorite "hot spot" is "south orange county."  well i'm just not a fan of irvine (where the "chapter historian" - a governmental post - shall keep a running history of current fads and funny stories), mission viejo (where the chamber of commerce meetings are held at a mexican restaurant called tortilla flats), or san clemente (not only home of the san clemente sea monster but california's capital of ghost sightings).

oh, and for fun "anything active" as well as "fitness as a lifestyle is a plus"  just doesn't fit with my "never exercise" and "nap as often as possible" way of life.

you're also 41 (too old), divorced (too many issues), looking for a girl who's at least 5'2" (i'm 5'1"), and want a non-smoker (i smoke).  how did you miss all of these things in my profile?  it states very clearly:  i'm looking for a guy who's 34 - 39, never married, and that i'm a 5'1" smoker.

finally, i'm not going to speak for every woman, but you said "i want MY WOMAN to be genuine etc etc."  who are you to lay claim to a woman?  what woman is going to be YOUR WOMAN?  are you seriously saying you will possess YOUR WOMAN?  t., that is very offensive.

so here's what i suggest: find a passive, co-dependent woman who believes in ghosts, sea-monsters, and exercises to the point of insanity.  that's where true love lies.  you can thank me later for my advice.

December 17, 2010

DINNER AT A CELEBRATED RESTAURANT













May I have the honor
of inviting you for a dinner or lunch in San Francisco (I work in
downtown) or a dinner in Berkeley (my neighborhood has all the
celebrated restaurants)? I really enjoyed reading your relaxes but
refreshing profile -- you seem to be lovely person inside and out.

I probably meet all of your criteria for your partner -- I am also a
loyal friend, affectionate, humorous, and very active. I would love to
travel with you the Adriatic nations you mentioned and to many otehr
places from Koh Samui to Big Island of Hawaii.

I look forward to hearing back from you. By the way, you have sweetst
face on any side of the Bay.

Krittibas

RE: DINNER AT A CELEBRATED RESTAURANT

krittibas... dinner at a celebrated restaurant in berkeley sounds fantastic!  i love places that people celebrate or that others find celebrating or that celebrate regularly.  celebration is the essence of celebration.  the problem is i live in los angeles.  but it's just a minor problem.  you sound very successful and i'm sure you could find a private jet to fly me up and back just for dinner.

i think you do meet all of the criteria for my partner.  except for the "within 5 mile radius of west hollywood" one, and the "between the ages of 34 - 39" one (as you're 62).  and i'm glad you enjoyed my relaxes, because i relaxes a lot.  i relaxes all day if i can... and if i can't, at least i make time to relaxes for at least half the day every day.

regarding me being a lovely person inside and out, well that's a tough one.  i hate most people, pull the wings off of flies, and try to purse my lips in a frown like manner so people don't approach me or try to talk to me as i don't like strangers, nor do i like to help strangers even if they're elderly or pregnant.

oh, the other thing, i have zero interest in the adriatic nations.  i mean c'mon, "macedonia," as if that's really its name.  it's the "former yugoslav republic of macedonia."  and it's not a member of nato - even albania is a member!  but then as if albania is so great... it's europe's largest supplier of heroin.  and talk about croatia, it's not just a trade route for human trafficking, it's an actual destination, ie instead of trafficking the girls to the u.s. they keep them for themselves.  so yeah.  that's where i want to hang with you.  sounds fun.  maybe you can get me some heroin and drug me so i can be smuggled across the border into "the former yugoslav republic of macedonia," through serbia so i can end up in croatia working in the sex trade.  you win!   best date contest is yours!

and i'll just pretend you didn't mention koh samui (thailand? what, are you obsessed with the sex trade?).

okay krittibas, thank you for the compliment on my face.  it was sweet.  but don't send the jet.  i won't be needing it.

perhaps you should go to thailand or croatia on your own.  i am CERTAIN you will find a girl.

December 16, 2010

HELLO FROM NEPHI

I was so tempted to wink!

Just kidding. Not sure what it is about that, but it seems to be universally detested.

You seem to be well adjusted, successful and I think we would have a great conversation together, probably not run out of things to talk about. I wonder if your personality is like I imagine it would be from reading your writing. You know how writing conjures the imagination so.

Therefore I'm inviting you on a date. Coffee?

About me (summary):
Successful business owner, love to dance, run, travel. Lots of school and life education. Stable, happy, talented in quirky ways.

Cheers,
Nephi

RE: HELLO FROM NEPHI

hi nephi.

so you're 40, divorced, 5' 7", and have a white man's fro (which you sometimes tie back into three ponytails).  i wish you had winked.  then i could have ignored you.  but no.....

so we would have great conversations together?  it's odd that so many people are convinced of this.  i'm not really sure why when people know so little about me.  

so here's the list of why we wouldn't have great conversations:

1. you wake up early, i don't
2. you like black coffee, i don't.
3. you like animated movies, i don't.
4. you like to clogg, i don't.  i don't even like watching it.
5. you like guinness, i don't.
6. you are a "de facto pescetarian", i'm not.
7. you think i'm well adjusted, i'm not.
8. you're stable, i'm not.
9. you like to "over exhaust yourself," i don't.
10. you like toronto, i don't (i had a whole doctor with a clown nose experience that scared me away).
11. you like to run marathons, i don't.
12. you don't smoke, i do.

see, really we have nothing in common, and therefore nothing to talk about.  so i don't think coffee would be very fun.

find a clogging "pescetarian" who loves animation and i'm sure you'll find love.

xx.

December 15, 2010

EVEN IF WE DON'T DATE...

















Even if we don't date, get married and have kids.. your cool, i wanna be your firend!

Im brand new here, 2nd day... as you can see I dont have a picture up, not that bold yet... so if you get time between all of your emails look me up on facebook, my name is Mickey you will find new and old pics... then if you still want to know more I would love to talk

Hope to hear from ya soon,
Mickey

RE: EVEN IF WE DON'T DATE...

quick answer: no.

long anwser:

so mickey, i'm glad you "read online" since as you say, "everybody's doing it," because that's where you'll be reading this - online - along with millions of others....

ok, to start, i see how you might be a little wary of using a site like this, but sending me to your facebook profile should have made you far more wary.  why would you ever link me with everyone and everything you ever knew, know, or want to know - then, now and in the future, in perpetuity for foreverdom?  you think you have crazy fans?  well you just met one. 

i understand you started a hairband in the eighties.  but i wouldn't share that information.  with anyone.   seriously.  it's not funny.  i listened to your song and it had the essence of def leppard meeting a dead leopard.  actually i do have a question there - what box were you referring to?  i mean the one you were singing about in the song?  there are lots of types of boxes:  shoe boxes, bread boxes, corrugated boxes, moving boxes.....  so many types.  if you wouldn't mind?

so now am i to believe that you have "matured" into a more serious songwriter / producer for an absolutely unknown greek singer and you're looking for love?  oh, and you're also looking for someone to "chase you around your house."  mickey, you're a strange bird.

i'm gonna have to close it on this note...  you fucked yourself with the cliches.

i think in order to point out the proclivity of people using cliches like: i love walking on the beach, sunsets, and romantic dinners.... you wrote "No one really goes walking on the beach that often."   but then you wrote:  "I want a partner in crime, I need someone to drive the getaway car."  sorry.  i won't be the bonnie to an aging rockstar-wannabe.  you're gonna have to go this one alone, clyde.

RE: RE: EVEN IF WE DON'T DATE...

















I just wanted to tell you I think you are so Beautiful!

RE: RE: RE: EVEN IF WE DON'T DATE...

mickey... are you a glutton for punishment?  i called you an aging wannabe rock-star.  i told you that after listening to your song i thought it had the essence of "def leppard meeting a deaf leopard."  what on earth would inspire you to write me again?  did you really feel the need to tell me that i'm beautiful?  did you think that it would win me over?  make me like your music?  make me think of you as a young, effervescent rocker?  mickey, you're not.  you're way over the hill trying to hold onto your glory days.  and your glory days weren't so glorious.  you and your hair band released one album, it had one single, and that one single appeared on one compilation album.  that was in 1989.  twenty-one years ago.  and now you're working with a completely unknown twenty-something singer from greece who isn't signed to a label, but had a chance to perform in a random sunset blvd jam festival (which allowed virtually everyone and anyone to participate) and you have thirty-some odd pictures of her and yourself at that festival posted on your facebook page as if it was some sort of fabulous event.  you're even wearing an artist pass around your neck.  it's embarrassing.  mickey, let go.  your dream is not coming to fruition.  i know you think "life can be like the movies."  but sometimes movies have sad endings.  before yours does, maybe you can try doing something with the other things you love?

okay - i see you love your dog... maybe being a dogwalker could fulfill your needs?  and you know how easy it is to meet girls when there's a dog involved?  it's like having a baby with you.  girls just flock to you.

mickey - i think i've just solved your life's problems.  mickey's mutts....

December 14, 2010

BOY MEETS GIRL

















You should be:

1. Greater than or equal to my level of attractiveness
2. As intelligent as you can possibly be (I want to learn from you)


Regardless,


I want to meet you it's that simple...

I like Intelligentsia in Venice it's dog friendly. I hope they play well with others.

Ryan

RE: BOY MEETS GIRL

ryan.... you should be stuck in a prison cell with:

1. a megasavant who is so intelligent it's ridiculous but you can't possibly learn from her
2. oh, and did i mention the savant is a "she" who is so beautiful you want to melt but because of her syndrome she hates to be touched?

regardless, i don't want to meet you.  it's that simple.

i like dummies in west hollywood who own ferrets that fight with dogs.

YOUR SOULMATE SEARCH HAS FINALLY COME TO AN END

















Hi there, you sound interesting and would be nice to know more about you....

RE: YOUR SOULMATE SEARCH HAS FINALLY COME TO AN END

i'm sorry, but the level of snobbery that exudes from your profile means you will learn nothing more about me.  "being born in europe i naturally live in beverly hills?"  wow!  how could one make such a pompous statement.  as if beverly hills is so great?  or is the only place in the u.s. comparable to europe?  it's not.  it's plastic and fake like the people in it.  if you knew better you'd say you lived in bel-air or beverly park.  but nooooo.  you're too dumb for that.

and to think of all the beautiful neighborhoods across the country that beverly hills can't hold a candle to... what about the amazing old estates on the east coast?  oh maybe you don't know about them because maybe you haven't been there.  i mean sometimes travel is expensive when you're trying to show off with a fancy schmancy house in a fancy schmancy zip code.

i'm sure your house is in the flats of beverly hills rather than in the hills as that's probably all you can afford working as an executive at a hotel chain.  and i bet you probably lease your car because you "had to have" a mercedes or a beamer and couldn't afford to buy one.  and you're probably struggling to pay your mortgage (if you even own a house, i wouldn't be surprised if you rent) since you HAD to live in such an expensive zip code.  and all of that so you could write on your profile that you live in beverly hills.  pathetic pompous man.

just walk out onto your own little lawn and you'll see plenty of girls jogging by waiting to be noticed and wooed.  you'll have a better chance there than here.

ALBANIA














You look very eccentric. I love your pics, hopefully you like min.  I want to make up as if i was a teenager. that was so much fun!

RE: ALBANIA

i really have no idea what you're talking about.  and regarding your photos, if they were from the same era i might be able to evaluate... but you don't even have the same hair color in any of them.  wha tha?

ZEST FOR LIFE

















Hi there!

Really liked your profile. It seems like you have a zest for life and your always on the go. .... I also noticed that you have a very nice smile, a quality I really like in a woman... Seems like you are diversed and like various things that life has to offer. So what exactly do you do for a living? What's been your experience on Match. Hope to hear from you soon! Email me back if you would like to chat some time...

Alex

RE: ZEST FOR LIFE

wow alex, you have a lot of photos!  25 to be exact.  i didn't quite get through all of them.  i quit when i noticed "fitness instructor" written on the front of one of the shirts you were wearing.  i hate exercise so that inspired me to read through your profile and low and behold i found, "I work as a fitness instructor for Bally's Total Fitness."  my guess right then and there was that we weren't meant to be, but i kept reading.

regarding the fact that you "like women that are active and will be happy with her so long as it involves some form of activity," well that's not me.  i like to sleep on the couch with my dogs and do nothing.  i don't even watch tv or movies.  i just nap.  no activity there.

so i'm not sure how to explain this without offending you, but i just don't like doing things.  and i wouldn't want to do anything with you.  you know how  you said that you think i have a zest for life, really it's more like an enhanced appreciation of life and the finer things it has to offer - like hotel suites in luxury hotels, first class seats on airplanes, finely tailored couture clothing, beachfront resorts in tropical locations... but not really a zest, and i'm not really on the go.  i sort of crawl at my own pace as i luxuriate.

but i know you'll find that girl who loves spinning classes and wants to chat.  you've got enough pictures up there that one of them is bound to catch a girl's eye.  good luck!

December 12, 2010

IM'ING YOU




















hi how are you ?
does your IM work?
Ben

RE: IM'ING YOU

i smoke, i don't im, and i can't see you in your pictures.  all the things that make for a bad blind date with someone who doesn't smoke, wants to im, and can see me in my pictures...

xx.

December 11, 2010

A MEANINGFUL EXISTENCE













I would love to show you existence that meant something :) u know yer beautiful

RE: A MEANINGFUL EXISTENCE

Thank you so much for the compliment.

I understand that you live in Henderson, NV and are looking for someone within a 25 mile radius of Henderson.  That's not me.  In case you hadn't noticed I live in Los Angeles.  But that's okay.  It's easy to miss.

I'm curious about this existence you want to show me that meant something.  Would that be in the past tense as in showing me how your existence meant something?  Or are you talking about some future existence that you can show me that is in some way meaningful, because my existence is actually full of substance... it's just existential.  Maybe you don't know what that means?

So you love to play disc golf.  I wish I knew what that was so I could say, "Cool, you love to play disc golf."  Unfortunately I have to say, "Huh? You play disc golf?  That sounds totally bizarre and borderline weird."  And you like the color green.  Good to know.

It's good that you like what you do since you work tons of hours out of a boom truck that can go up to 45 feet in the air! That sounds very exciting.  The disc golf, the green, the boom truck - it seems like you've made a nice life for yourself in Henderson.  Unfortunately I won't be moving there anytime soon.

Good luck finding that special someone.

YOU'RE HOT
















Thought I would say hello and let you know I'd really like to meet you. I like to hangout at the beach. Do you? Please write back.

RE: YOU'RE HOT

Why is it that you live in Torrance but you're looking for a girl within 50 miles of Hermosa Beach?  Do you just wish you lived there?  That's kind of weird.  Do you love the beach that much.  I don't.

But what's weirder is the GIANT gun in your photo.  I'm really a bit scared writing back.  But you pleaded, so I'm writing.  But we're not going to meet.  The fact that what you want to do for fun is take a girl on some "cool workouts" means we were not meant to be.  I DO NOT work out.

It's interesting that you like to work at physically demanding jobs but you also like to dress up to impress your co-workers.  Does that mean you wear a suit to the construction site? 

Your ethnicity is: TAN.  Your religion is: HOLY.  Your favorite hot spot is: 24 HOUR FITNESS.  And the last thing you read was: YOUR PROFILE.  Wow.  You're LAME.

I think you'll have more luck finding a girl who likes to go tanning in her church basement after working out.  See ya!

December 4, 2010

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

Hi, how are you? I liked reading your
profile and would love to get to know
you better. Hope to hear back...
Chris

RE: GETTING TO KNOW YOU

hi chris. well here's you hearing back. and here's you getting to know me better, basically through this email, and that's where our relationship ends.

i knew we had no future when i read that you love church and try to make it there every sunday. see i spend my sundays sleeping in, then taking naps. that doesn't fit with the church model. especially if the church model includes some sort of post church "festivity" or "giving back." i generally don't have enough time on sunday to do more than one activity beyond sleeping in and napping and that activity tends to be eating dinner.

the divorce and the kids were a close runner up. i'm fairly certain that i don't want to date anyone who has two young children who live at home. look, i have enough trouble taking care of my dogs. i have a dog sitter who stops by daily to make sure my dogs are fed. i'm sure you wouldn't want me to be left alone with your children without a dog sitter. they might not get fed.

oh, and the fact that you live in las vegas didn't help the matter. you know the whole pick me up for diner thing? i'm kind of picky about that. i like to be courted, and that's difficult long distance. besides. las vegas is where people go to die. i'm not ready to die yet. nor am i ready to convert to catholocism or become a mother.

i'm really sorry about your accident and that you're in a wheelchair...

but i can't help but wonder how you frequently ride your bike? and go on shooting trips? and work as a firefighter from a wheelchair? but what is beyond me is beyond me and i won't question.

i just have to mention though, about the shooting, that i always worry that when you go shooting you might forget that when you come home that the activity is over. like, you come inside the house and see a quick movement (ie, my dog running) and BOOM! down goes jack. your excuse? sorry. i just got back from shooting and i thought i saw a deer inside the house. yeah, we've all heard that one before.

really, it seems that we don't have the same morals or value systems.... but i can't help conjuring up sharon angle when i think of you. seriously, she lives in nevada and she's only been married for 40 years. you know what it is to go through divorce. maybe you could just give her marriage a little nudge in that direction. i have a feeling the two of you would be endlessly happy together.

kisses.

December 3, 2010

HELLO THERE

How are you today?
I liked your profile
and wanted to say hello.
Chris xx

RE: HELLO THERE

hi chris...

so i'm good today. very cool. yesterday i wasn't so good. and maybe tomorrow i'll be bad. but toady i'm good. again, very cool.

if it's just a quick hello you're looking for, well then - hello back. but if you're going to respond to my hello, i think i can just cut this off at the knees.

see i live in los angeles and am looking to meet someone who lives nearby (preferably within a 5 mile radius of my home). but see, you live in coastal south carolina. that's a very long drive to pick me up for a quick date. say we want to grab a quick breakfast and coffee, 45 minutes tops, on thursday at about 10am. you'd have to leave your place on monday at 11pm est in order to arrive on time to pick me up. only to leave 45 minutes later to go home (you're not napping at my house dude, i don't know you yet).

now i know you say you're a young 47 looking for a partner to join you in a fun, casual relationship, but to me you certainly don't look a young 47, nor is there anything young about 47. and if at 47 you're looking for a casual relationship i can only imagine what you'll be looking for at 60 (which is probably your real age as men on match tend to "edit" their ages so they don't get hit on by older women). so do you ever get to the point where you want something more than casual?  i'm not interested in the peter pan syndrome.

i was also a bit put off by the fact that you noted that you're "not handsome, but socially presentable." it's ok if you're not handsome. but if you are admittedly not handsome, you really must not be good looking. and that's bad. see your picture was pretty bad, and sometimes people just aren't photogenic.  but being admittedly not handsome?  i'm not shallow, but i'd prefer a step above socially presentable. i like to think of myself as a step above and therefore would like my match to be the same. it's called "playing your lane." so stick to your lane, chris. stick to your lane.

now i'm glad that you haven't been to prison, and that you have no back hair, but what you don't say here means more than what you do. i'm left wondering: do you have chest hair, pubic hair, arm pit hair? severe arm and leg hair, toe hair, foot hair? do you have any hair?  it doesn't look like it from your picture. and are you a sex offender, convicted of drug possession, tax evasion?  dui, public urination, prostitution?  i mean why have you just touched on this subject?  seriously, sometimes you have to read between the lines.  and i'm reading between the lines and don't like what i'm seeing.

so as mentioned above, chop. right at the knees, chris. no need to write back. :)

December 1, 2010

WILL YOU RELOCATE?












wow...your profile is amazing
and you sure got my attention...
I have a feeling we would be just
amazing together....if we hit it off,
would you relocate for a life with
Mikey?

RE: WILL YOU RELOCATE?

so, mikey, you think we'd be just amazing together?  well, let me take a look at your profile and i'll see what i think, and i'll start mulling around the idea of relocation and we can take it from there.  how does that sound?

i'm looking.... and for the moment i'm just going to pretend you're not holding a giant machine gun in your picture.  maybe i'll find out about that later.

so you spend the first 17 sentences of your profile articulating a bob marley quote.  hmmm. you got me in particular when you wrote "you may not be her first, her last, or her only" - well that's not really an axiom i want to live by.  i'd much rather something like "till death do us part?"

aaaaahhh, just got to the gun.  20 years in the military.  well obviously you can't let it go as you seem to carry a machine gun with you everywhere you go.  while it's fabulous that you spent 20 years in the armed services, my dad was an officer in the army so i already have usaa insurance.  you have nothing to offer me.  i mean once a military career is over, you have no money, no identity, no ability to live an unscheduled life, and generally suffer from some sort of mental disorder (ie, the gun?).  so the usaa would've been mild incentive, but again, i already have it.

still looking... oh wait, the ultimate deal breaker: you live in kenosha, wisconsin - population 124,000.  in case you hadn't noticed i live in los angeles - population 3.8 million.  mikey, i wouldn't make the move for a "life with mikey," for a life with david beckham or even for a life with jude law.  a word of advice, if you're looking for a girl, especially one to relocate, i'd get rid of the gun picture.  it's bad enough to have to move to wisconsin.... but to embrace the machine gun in the photo?  that's more than you should expect of any girl.  i wish you the best of luck, seriously, you're going to need it.

MY DOLL














i like chess you are dollish

RE: MY DOLL

well here's the thing.  chess wasn't one of the games i listed as enjoying.  so were we to meet and, say, play games, you'd have to play chess alone.

but there are a couple of things i'm more intrigued by.  first, you intimated in your profile that you were a slender 5'11".  however your pictures tell a different story.  i'd say you are easily heavyset, stocky, or you might even have a few extra pounds.  really, there's no reason to lie.  especially if you're going to post 17 pictures of yourself, 9 of which are full body pics.  you're gonna get caught.  sorry.  gotchya.

the other thing that really bothered me was your obsession with cargo pants and leg definition.  personally i'm not a big fan of cargo pants, or seeing leg definition through a pair of pants, but really neither make or break a relationship.  however an overly excited reaction to both is actually a bit disturbing.

"I bought some cargo pants lined with flannel recently at Old Navy, I'm pretty excited about them, they are comfy and practical; I never know when I am going to need a ton of pockets to store things...but when guys wear cargo pants you can't see their leg definition, and girls care about leg definition or muscular calves..."

I mean c'mon.  How many pockets does anyone every really need?  And what girl ever wants to see leg definition or muscular calves through pants?  I think you need to reconsider your priorities when it comes to pants and calves and maybe just buy a pair of Levi's.  I'm giving you sound advice so take it.

Best.