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January 26, 2011

CHECKIN' THIS OUT















You are by far the cutest girl on match! Let's play a game of scrabble!

RE: CHECKIN' THIS OUT

thank you so much for the compliment... it was so nice.  one of the nicest compliments i've gotten so far on match.

but i think it's gonna be relatively difficult for us to play a game of scrabble.  see you live in batavia, illinois.  i know you're looking for a girl within 50 miles of your location, but i'm not within 50 miles of illinois.  i think you're reaching a little beyond your own restrictions.

(in addition you're 40 - the oldest i'm willing to go is 39, so sorry.)

i'm also a little confused as you say you're looking for "someone with similar interests" to you, but then you write, "i'm just checkin' this thing out, will write more later."  and that's it.  end of profile.  so how am i supposed to know if we have similar interests if your profile is empty?

some advice?  fill in your profile and then maybe you'll get a hit.  who knows, she might be within 50 miles and have similar interests?

best always.

January 24, 2011

I RECEIVED AN E-MAIL THIS MORNING...
















APPARENTLY IT WAS FROM MYSELF:

hello honey!! i am for a good mature man.

as for myself, i am pretty ukraninian lady.  are you fond of ukrianian ladies?

we are not just pretty and clever, but very tolerant as well... ukrainian ladies?  esteem family and tend to be with their their beloved ones a great deal of right time...

it's right time to meet each other!
i'll be waiting for you on international dating site.

bye dear!!

January 23, 2011

PLEASE READ... IT'S DAMIAN... :)

Hello. What is your real name? My name is Damian. I really respect your straightforwardness in your profile. I thought about sending you an "wink", but I decided to send you an e-mail instead. If you're interested, send me an e-mail back on here, or my e-mail address. Maybe we can exchange numbers and talk sometime. 
Hope to hear from you. Until then, be sweet. Damian 
Please note: For your protection, a personal email address has been converted to their onsite email address.

RE: PLEASE READ.... IT'S DAMIAN... :)

hey damian...  i'm not sure i'm ready to give you my real name.  see i have to know we're compatible, that i want to e-mail you, talk on the phone, meet for drinks and ultimately have dinner before i exchange names, and really, i don't want to do any of those things with you.

first, let me point out the absurdity of you giving me the e-mail address.  if i just hit "respond" to your message, that's the e-mail address that my message will go to... you haven't figured that one out?  hmmmm....

now i'm sorry about this, but i really have to point out that you claim  your ethnicity is "belize en."  what the heck is that?  i mean i get that you're from belize.  but people from belize are commonly referred to as "belizean."  are you sure that's your ethnicity - you don't even know how to spell it!

now you're 37, looking for a girl between the ages of 18 - 45, you just finished a 5 year "internship" (i mean i had an internship when i was 19 in college but it lasted 1 semester, your internship started when you were 32?  and lasted 5 years?  huh?) and now you have a full time job in some track & field capacity which i couldn't quite figure out because you said, "i have a full time job and i'm a part time student and have track & field on a professional level."  i know my sentence was a run-on sentence, but i don't think your sentence makes sense.

you also say you like, "deep conversation so i can get to know the intellectual side & the frisky side of woman."  i didn't really know that deep conversation allowed one to learn about the friskiness of another.  see i thought friskiness was sort of explored during your first kiss.  but i could be dead wrong.  maybe that's why i'm single.  perhaps i should start getting into deep conversations about friskiness.  maybe that's the key to a happy relationship.

now damian, this is pretty offensive:  "women that have had a recent break up will cause for a boring date & make you less attractive to me. please be open with the time being spent on the date. my time is limited, so i want my time spent with you to be worth it." that right there makes you a little bit fugly to me.  i think  everyone's time is probably equally important and / or limited.  so to make yours stand out as more important is kind of egotistical.

and lastly, did you not look at my pictures before writing to me?  i'm pretty small.  i would call myself petite, and maybe even a little on the thin side.  so i'm confused that you wrote me considering you said, "i'm looking for a girl a little on the thick side."  that really isn't me.

oh, there are so many other things i could address: your favorite book is "the secret," your girl has to workout "hardcore"....  i mean there are so many ways in which we just aren't compatible.  but i think you get the picture.

however damian, i know there's a girl out there for you.  i just know it in my heart.  keep on "winking" (just because i don't like them doesn't mean other women don't) and you'll "wink" your way into some thick heart.

kisses.

January 21, 2011

POLITICS

















I did a search on "politics" and you came up. But that's a mix I wouldn't expect...fashion with politics.

You know, this winking thing, you say you don't respond to winks. A buddy of mine at dodgeball tonight was telling me he met his wife on this site. I didn't know that. He said it started with a wink.

And he said keep it short. So there you go.

-s

RE: POLITICS

hi -s.  that's interesting about your friend at dodgeball.  especially that it started with a wink.  i've never much liked winks.  i find them to be the online equivalent to being picked up at a bar whereas receiving a message is like being taken to a nice restaurant.  it's also interesting that you play dodgeball.  i didn't know there was an underground dodgeball community in los angeles.

you took your friend's advice and definitely kept it short, eh?  so i went to your profile.  i'm kinda thinking i'm not your gal.  if i may quote you here regarding who you're looking for, "she's cool sleeping on the ground without a toilet."  on the ground?  does that mean no rv?  no tent?  no sleeping bag?  just grass and twigs to make a nest?  and without a toilet?  i'm not like snookie... she may drink in bushes, hide in bushes and poop in bushes, but i don't.  i'd rather fight serious constipation, which might cause hospitalization, than poop without a toilet.  i actually have a heated toilet seat and bidet in my home.  i try to make using the bathroom as pleasurable as possible.

there's also the civil war reenactment stuff that's kind of weird.  by the way, which side are you on?  you didn't mention - north or south...  and you take historical vacations?  you love visiting crashed planes, long-abandoned concentration camps, military cemeteries?  those historical settings seem rather morbid.

and if i may quote you again, "i'm not into wine tasting or shopping. i'm not into food. if i could swallow a pill every day instead of eating, i'd be ecstatic. trying a new restaurant is not my idea of adventure."  see i like wine, shopping, and i really like food.  a lot.  it would kind of suck if i made a really nice dinner and you just took some vitamins and ate a power bar instead of sitting down with me to eat.

and you're obsessed with ayn rand.  see the problem with objectivism is it can never be achieved.  if the moral purpose of everyone's life is their own happiness, everyone will create systems of achieving happiness that collide and essentially create anarchy.

-s, you seem like one of those people on the fringe of society who might potentially be dangerous and could be under surveillance of the fbi.  i'm not really interested in getting my name on a terrorist watchlist.  were i you, i'd spend more time with the dodgeball...

January 15, 2011

LOVE YOUR PROFILE, SORRY FOR NO PICS....

Have to start off by saying I am sorry for not having pics on here yet. I just joined and wanted to see how "real" and "safe" this is I guess. I am in a huge industry, have a huge role in it, and kind of cautious about putting pics on here yet. That being said, I have facebook profile and pictures (as I am in ------- and need to be on that all the time). My name there is ---------- and I think my link is http://www.facebook.com----------

So, truly love your profile and what you wrote! I'm from NYC, moved here 4 years ago, loving life here, have great friends and family here. Very close to my family (sister and brother in law and niece are here and my best friends)...which I think sadly has led me to this website....

I think I turned into a creature of habbit, and have been hanging out with them, and a ton of great friends in this industry, but they are all just friends and mostly in relationships. I dont go out meeting or looking to meet new people. Which Is good and bad :) I'm not lonely at all, but also not meeting anyone "new" and single.

I am quirky, fun, silly, intelligent, sarcastic...really enjoy my life and having fun now...would love to meet someone new and share it with. Oh, I actually grew up in the Fashion and Fragrance industry...went to F.I.T in NYC for about 2 weeks before leaving lol, and was designing clothes in the city for a few years. While I like "guy" stuff, I am a full blown shopper and go non-stop. Its sad really.

Hope this find you well..and again sorry for not having pictures yet..hope you still read this

RE: LOVE YOUR PROFILE, SORRY FOR NO PICS

no worries about the pics. i get it. you can send me some at ---------

so you may not have pics, i have quirks. here's what you're up against:

1. i've been known to smoke when i drink.
2. i hate to drive. i live in west hollywood, you, santa monica. i don't like to commute.
3. i'm not one of those "healthy" types. i don't like hiking and biking and camping and all that. i put that i like to check into a hotel for a weekend and indulge in pay-per-view and room service for a reason. because i'd rather do that than run a marathon (though when i'm on vacation near a beach you can't get me out of the water). i'm sorta lazy. not really that. i'd just rather take a nap or a bath and have lunch and i don't know than wake up at dawn to run on the beach.
4. i eat a lot of taco bell. but other than that i'm not a vegetarian, i just don't cook meat. i don't like buying it at the grocery store because i know that they're not happy cows, ie, they didn't grow up on farms where they could walk freely and have access to medical care. but if it's at a restaurant i'll eat it (i know, total hypocrite).
5. i write a blog: www.bestofmatchdotcom.com
6. technically i'm not employed, but i have a book deal and am writing a book so while i spend a lot of time writing technically i have nothing to do.
7. i have two miniature pinchures. must love dogs.
8. i'm minorly obsessed with travel and am constantly planning some trip even if it never happens.
9. hmmmmm.... can't think of a nine. can you tell i'm really trying to paint myself in a bad light so maybe you might be pleasantly surprised if we meet?

xx.

RE: RE: LOVE YOUR PROFILE, SORRY FOR NO PICS....

this is a new one for the blog.... we met!  who knew i would ever actually meet someone on this site.  alas, it wasn't meant to be.

RE: RE: RE: LOVE YOUR PROFILE, SORRY FOR NO PICS...

I am sorry and I'm not being a "dick" or anything, I think you're cool as all hell, I have not and am not leading you on or trying to be a shit.  I just realized after this week I can't get involved in anything.  I don't have time during the week, and on the weekends I need to be selfish.  My social and personal life are just minimal.  I'm sorry.  I'm just being honest.  I actually think you are real amazing... but there is a reason I'm single and after this week I see it and sadly it's not going to change.

I love my golf.  Love going out shopping.  And I do love work and am addicted to it.  Work life is an especially bad recipe for my personal life... but it's not going to change.  I'm sorry this didn't work out but I'm not a bad person.  Really, I'm not.

RE: RE: RE: RE: LOVE YOUR PROFILE, SORRY FOR NO PICS...

selfish.  i think that's the best way to describe you.  having this discussion via text is one of the more pathetic things i've come across in my life.  and were i not a nicer person i would definitely post this on my blog.  actually, i think i will.  no pictures, no names, just words.  of course, remember, you had to find the one girl with THAT blog.

you were a total jackoff three days in a row.  you said you wanted to hang out.  you knew you were going to be in the office late and that wasn't going to happen but you kept saying maybe, maybe, maybe, so i kept waiting, waiting, waiting.  i told my assistant not to come around because you'd be here.  when i asked you yesterday if you worked on weekends it was once again "maybe."  you didn't mention that you golf until 2pm.  nor did you mention that you have to be "selfish" on weekends.  this could have been nipped in the bud day one of your crazy work week when you knew you didn't have time in your life for a relationship, but no, you had to draw it out because you don't deal well with confrontation.  and now you're pathetically dealing with it via text.  were you a stand up man you would've called and said "i'm sorry, i don't have time in my life for a relationship."  that's what real people do.  not people who run around texting all day saying "i'll get in touch with you later" at 9pm and then when you text them at midnight they reply half an hour later that they're going to bed.

you said it yourself, you're single for a reason and it's not going to change.  work wins.  then you win.  but why do you want to win?  this is life, the goal of life is not to win.  it's all about people - they're the important things.  and you have to MAKE time for important things.  and important things are not golf.  or shopping.  or having 800 friends on facebook.  people are the only real important things you can ever hope to hold close.  not acquaintances.  but the real friends who are there for you when you hit rock bottom.  the girlfriend or boyfriend who kisses you in the morning before you've brushed your teeth.  because those are the people with whom you really connect, and connection is the meaning of life.  let me repeat, connection is the meaning of life.  not more work, more money, more power, more me time.  it's connection.  and without connection life has no real meaning.  so i'm sad for you that you'll never have that.  because i know that someday i will.

January 13, 2011

I LOVE TOKYO TOO



















I wanted to say hello - because you seem very interesting.
I would be happy to hear from you, although I am older than what you are looking for. I can be a good friend because you like Tokyo.
Have a nice week - Kit

RE: I LOVE TOKYO TOO

hi kit.  thank you for saying hello, and it is very complimentary of you to think i am interesting.  since i'm me i don't always find myself that interesting.  for instance, when i'm sitting on the couch watching tv with my dogs and eating taco bell, i don't think i'm very interesting.  but you might find it very interesting to watch me because the shells of my tacos always break and the innards fall everywhere and i end up with taco all over me (which my dogs tend to eat, lovely huh?).

so yes, you are older than me, and yes, that's not what i'm looking for.  but you know if the right person came along i might be willing to change my rules by a year, maybe two.  however for you?  i just can't do that.  see, just because i like tokyo doesn't mean someone can be a good boyfriend to me.  ie, you.  what, would you follow me around the house with giant pictures of mt fuji just so i felt like i was actually in japan?  or would you constantly bow and say "hi" so that i felt i were in a japanese hotel?  or would you actually endeavor to learn the language and take up sumo wrestling so i felt like you were actually japanese?  my gosh, i don't know what you could possibly do to make me happy because i like tokyo?!

but i'm further scared away because you wrote in your profile "i have an ever-green visa for the u.s. and a work permit for the u.k. will see what happens."  i fear you are looking for a shot gun romance and a russian roulette wedding.  and i'm so far from wanting anything like that.  i'm scared enough to date, let alone prepare for a green card wedding.

kit, i think you need to 1. take the green card and the visa thing out of your profile, and 2. not qualify that you'd be a good boyfriend with a noun.  cleaning that stuff up should go a long way toward finding you a mate.  and you obviously need one.  fast.

January 5, 2011

CUT-TO-THE-CHASE











I like your profile. Thereby, if you like mine than please let me know.
I'm on this site for a trial period ending tomorrow and than I would be
a basic member unless I change my mind to further subscribe. Hence, if
you'd like than you can communicate with me via my cell @ 9..-5..-2....

Thanking you in advance.

Sincerely,

Hemant.

RE: CUT-TO-THE-CHASE

hemant.  i love your profile.  i can't believe you found me on the day before your trial period ends.  i'm so excited.  it is refreshing to find someone who is not looking for "hanky panky," a one nighter, or just out for a quickie.  i find that so many people who contact me just want a little sumthin' sumthin' on the side but have no real interest in a relationship.  and i want a relationship.  something real.  something magical.  something forever.

being someone who is reading it of which you write, i comprehend it of which you are trying to imply as i too am a very "cut-to-the-chase" kind of person.  how perfect is it that we're both "cut to the chasers" given you're looking for one and i am one!  i am also very loving, caring, attentive, loyal, trustworthy, and someone who you can share your thoughts with and vice-versa of course.  i will take it to the next level with you and am excited to call!

i just have to tell you a little bit about my last boyfriend, andy, because he is very important in my life.  after we'd been dating for two weeks, i just knew that god had a plan for us to be together and when i prayed on it and saw a vision of an angel with a harp and a golden key i knew it meant i needed to move into his apartment and change the locks.  so one night while he was sleeping i took the opportunity to copy his keys, and then when he went to work i moved all of my stuff in and made new keys.  andy acted upset when he came home and his key didn't work, but i knew he understood that the new keys represented a fresh start.  and he pretended to be surprised by all of my furniture and the rearranging i'd done (can you believe he had the couch set up to view the television instead of facing the window in the corner???) but i think it was a pleasant surprise and he appreciated the fact that i'd started to make his home OUR home.  

while things ended when he called the police and had me physically removed from the premises and got a restraining order, it didn't upset me.  the reason i'm telling you all of this is because even though i love everything you wrote and can't wait to call you, i know that andy is the man that i will ultimately be with.  sure you and i may get married and be together long enough to have three or four kids, but ultimately it will end in divorce and andy and i will reunite with passion.  i spend several hours each night standing five hundred feet from his apartment with a telescope so i can watch him.  but i'm sure that won't interfere with our life together.

i hope you're as excited as i am, hemant!  i'm going to call you in ten minutes.  xxxoooxxx.

January 4, 2011

GREAT GUY! ACT NOW AS SUPPLIES ARE RUNNING OUT












Hi There:

Awesome profile, made me laugh. We seem to have a lot in common, I kick ass on Brickbreaker and Monopoly. Do you remember Connect Four or Stop Thief? I don't think they make them anymore :( Anyway, you seem real cool and would love to chat sometime. I am a fashion designer and own a retail store (true story). I'll tell you which brand later but I've been in the fashion industry for about 10 years now, love it.

Hope to hear back from you.

Best.

RE: GREAT GUY! ACT NOW AS SUPPLIES ARE RUNNING OUT

so you said you'd tell me which brand later because you didn't want to say upfront that you worked with forplay inc?  delicious Sexywear?  Naughty Laundry?  and you didn't think i could figure it out on my own?  you may have been in the fashion industry for about 10 years, but i'm pushing 9.  you don't have much on me. 

i deal with super high-end ready-to-wear and vintage couture clothing.  you manufacture lingerie which sells at a retail pricepoint of $10 - $20 (wholesale $5 or $6?).  it's just so wrong to equate cheap costume lingerie with high end couture. 

oh, and that little note that your divorce doesn't count because you were only married for 11 months is really weird.  you say it's one of those "jams you got into"?  i've never heard marriage described that way before.  luckily you won't be getting into any "jams" with me.

smiles.

January 3, 2011

MAN MEETS GIRL













Your profile is likely the only one here that says you seek a man and not a boy. Very interesting...

If by a "boy" you mean someone with a sense of child-like wonder, someone still in awe of the world - of things big and small - someone who is ful of curiosty and wonder and who can still see the world with wide eyes rather then eyes that are jaded and colored - then I'm your man.

I know little of fashion - but I do love art and beauty and color and I have a curiosty about the world and a hunger to learn all things.

I think you sound delightful and hope we can talk.

Thank You Girl.

RE: MAN MEETS GIRL

you:  "your profile is likely the only one here that says you seek a man and not a boy. very interesting..."

me:  i'm looking for a boy, not a man...

i think you got it wrong.  

but since as you say, "i'm your man," and as you also say i'm the only one on here who says i seek "a man not a boy," logic would follow that given you're a man and everyone else is looking for a boy, your chances of finding a match are extremely low.  i'm sorry.  maybe you would have more success by going back to the traditional route of dating, ie, going to bars, clubs, and being set up on blind dates.  i truly wish you good luck.

xx.

ps.  i think you need to learn how to spell the word "curiosity."

RE: RE: MAN MEETS GIRL













You: ...are looking for a boy, not a man

Me: Being a boy who sometimes gets a little nervous - mixed up my words in my previous email. I am very much a boy - full of playfullness and wonder - and would love to give you a call sometime if you would allow.

Thank you girl

A boy

RE: RE: RE: MAN MEETS GIRL

that's alright, if you couldn't figure it out on the first try then i'm not interested.

in addition, i'm a bit of a grammar / spelling snob and you spelled curiosity wrong twice.

"curiosty."

i would give you a pass, but even match has spell check. so what, did you ignore the little red underline? or did you write the message on your pda and choose not reread it in order to check for errors?  wait, what am i saying?  even pda's have spell check.

i'm not impressed. sorry.

as you say: "girl"

as i say: "codenamejack"

RE: RE: RE: RE: MAN MEETS GIRL













Greetings Codenamejack,

I must confess that although your decision disappoints me - I respect your candor and directness - both of which are quite rare out here.

You referred to yourself as a grammar and spelling snob. This may be true - but I would say you are also fairly strict and demanding in your intolerance of mistakes. I do not say this as a criticism but merely as a neutral observation. I sense that whomever is with you would need to work quite hard to impress you and would need to be on his toes at all times. Am I correct on that?

For the record - I did type on my PDA - hence the misspelling of curiosity. Also for the record, your email to me contained a grammatical mistake of its own.

Codenamejack: "..or did you write the message on your pda and choose not reread it in order..."

I believe you meant to say "...and choose not TO reread it..."

One more thing - the words "under dog" in the 2nd to last sentence of your profile is missing the hyphen.

I don't know much about Jesus - but didn't he say something like, "Let she who is without typos cast the 1st stone" ;)

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: MAN MEETS GIRL

i believe you are correct about the "to" but since pda's don't have grammar check i'll be a little less hard on myself. but only a little less.... (your pda had spell check.  pretty pathetic.) were i typing my message in a normal e-mail i would have seen the grammatical error and changed it. i look for those green and red lines and choose which to follow and which to ignore. for example, i don't use caps, so i choose to ignore red lines under things like "i", "i'll", i've", etc. in addition, sometimes for emphasis i'll use a sentence fragment, ie "but only a little less...." in those instances i'll ignore the little green lines.

finally, re the use of "no hyphen" between the words under and dog, if you really wanted to put it to me you could have done much better. obviously you couldn't. the full sentence should actually be written:

i want a guy who'll go out on a limb like one of those over-romanticized, under-dog, bad boys adored in most of your hit hollywood movies, but never quite embraced as such in real life.

but instead i wrote:

i want a guy who'll go out on a limb like one of those over romanticized under dog bad boys adored in most of your hit hollywood movies but never quite embraced as such in real life.

i did this because by getting rid of the punctuation the sentence feels out of breath and has a sense of desire. it feels real rather than "written." i'm actually a writer by trade and do things with purpose.

on the other hand, i can't find purpose in spelling curiosity "curiosty" twice.

January 1, 2011

WARM FRIENDLY RESPONSIBLE BACHELOR














Happy New Year! AL

RE: WARM FRIENDLY RESPONSIBLE BACHELOR

hey al... happy new year to you too.  i hope it was a good one.  mine was faboo.

i think you have an inflated ego.  you posted a picture of yourself with cameron diaz and then wrote in your profile "the picture of me with my arm around a girl with a playbill, is Cameron Diaz on a photo shoot I did with her for Entertainment Weekly magazine."   what, we're playing the celebrity name game?  on this site?  that's a little weird.  almost as weird as the fact that you workout at bally's total fitness and went to the college of new jersey.  i think i'll take a pass..