HIYA!

Hi there, so...I was reading an article today in a magazine and it was about meeting women and how striking up a conversation that may lead to a date, Well I think it was mostly BS but the first thing they said is you have to say hi to break the ice, so.... Hi Again! my name is Mike how are you? how is your day going so far? 

I know you have the pick of the crop on this site with a smile as beautiful as yours, So I hope to hear back from you

Till Then
Mike

RE: HIYA!

Hiya to you too Mike.  Who the hell says Hiya?!

Why do you call yourself Joey?  Doesn’t really matter, I was bothered more by your first sentence and how it just left me hanging than your name. “…that may lead to a date,” and then you just start another thought?  Totally annoying. 

My day has been great.  Lots of work – I’d say about 22 free online poker tourneys. And thank you for the compliment on my smile.  One may think one would have the pick of the crop, but when the crop is dead there’s not much left to pick.

So I read your profile and it seems you’ve read the book “The Secret” (which both Dave Chappelle and I despise). 

“Picture your life exactly the way you want it and then ask yourself. Am I doing the things that will take me there?”  Btw, that shouldn’t be two sentences.

Well I’ll just counter with Chappelle’s words, “what’s wrong with the children in Africa who haven’t eaten in five days?  They just need to visualize some roast beef with mashed potatoes and gravy!”  Right.

I’m glad to hear of your accomplishments in the military, law enforcement, and finally starting a business in your one bedroom apartment.  Hopefully visualization will turn that into a mansion with 100 employees.  And as for the “one thing missing, someone who understands the finer things in life,” well perhaps you can visualize her in your mansion too and she’ll magically appear.

Unfortunately I don’t think our relationship is meant to be.  Since you’re done playing games I’m certain we won’t get along.  Playing Candyland, Chutes & Ladders, Connect Four, Sorry, Yahtzee and Old Maid are my favorite pastimes. 

Good luck in la-la land. 

L'ETRANGER

Yes, "partner in crime" pops up a lot. One of the drawbacks, at least for me, of this online dating thing is that it's like reading a menu of items that all sound the same -- with a handful of exceptions Your profile is definitely one of them. Hmm: the existential life. I suppose we all live existential lives to some extent, maybe more so when we're single. On a more superficial note, do you get the "Audrey Hepburn" thing a lot? I imagine that you might, and I mean that in the best way.

Michael

RE: L'ETRANGER

dear michael.  your e-mail was genuinely sweet, and the reference to audrey hepburn made me smile.  i did get it a fair amount, but now that i have longer bangs i don't get it quite as much. 

i'd just like to say in the nicest way possible that 46 is a little old for me.  i'm really looking for someone closer to my age to date and with whom to start a family.   also, i'm looking for someone a little closer to los angeles who doesn't have "rasta" in their moniker.  the spiritual use of cannabis, the rejection of western society, the dreadlocks that are associated with a celestial journey... those just aren't things i really understand.  additionally, your self proclaimed alias as "macho nerd" is a little off putting.  i'm not really looking for a "macho" anything.  it's not on my list of dream qualities in a man.

but i would like to repeat, your e-mail was very sweet and endearing, and were those other things not in your profile i would likely respond more positively.  i really hope you find that person you are looking for.

ire.

YOU ARE A CHAMELION

You look wholesome in one pic
and sensuous in another.  Very compelling.
Where in CA are you located?

ARE YOU IN THE BAY AREA

Please write back. Brent  

RE: ARE YOU IN THE BAY AREA

no.

RE: RE: ARE YOU IN THE BAY AREA

Any chance we can meet?

RE: RE: RE: ARE YOU IN THE BAY AREA

3rd e-mail and you haven't gotten the hint.  no, there' no chance we'll meet.  you're looking for a "special friend" in new york (why the bay area matters i'm not sure), and i'm looking for a relationship in west hollywood.  i don't want to commute to new york, nor do i really know what a "special friend" is, but it sounds like something i don't want to be.  try checking out the singles ads in the back of the newspaper.

PINK FLOYD, RAMMSTEIN, AND COMPLICATING YOUR LIFE

Hi

I saw your profile and I thought I would introduce myself, and maybe complicate your existential life :-)
My name is Rudy, what's yours?
I consider myself laid back, too laid back to make a decent profile, so here are some things about me. I get startled easy, I really like Pink Floyd, but also Rammstein, my cat's name is Chairman Meow, I like chess, am a chemist, can't dance, was born in Europe, my phone doesn't have a camera, I like foreign movies, playing Wii Tennis, John Stewart, trivia.
Worst comes to worst - I am a Boy.
rudy

RE: PINK FLOYD, RAMMSTEIN, AND COMPLICATING YOUR LIFE

hi rudy from monrovia.  i find it strange that you're looking for love in a place like match but can't be bothered to write a profile.  oh, i forgot, you said that you're "a nice guy looking for a nice girl to start a serious relationship with."  (dangling sentence, with whom to start a serious relationship.)  i mean c'mon, that's a total loser move.  who writes nothing?  at least make something up.  something funny.  something dumb.  something that tells me more than you're the most boring guy in the world.  ok, so you wrote a couple things in your message: you're a chemist who gets startled easily and likes john stewart.  and?  is that why we'd get along?  well it doesn't really matter because i would probably hate you anyway as i am biased by the fact that you live in monrovia.  i would have to commute an hour and a half to see you (i don't drive) in a city where, call me elitist, but 75% of the population didn't attend college and 25% of the population didn't finish high school.  why would i drive all that way when i can stay in cozy west hollywood with 53.2% of my educated brethren who did graduate from college?  oh, and i hate pink floyd, rammstein, cats, and divorcees.  it just wouldn't work out.

HI

I love how open and honest you are.  And I also love that you embrace the little girl in you.  I would love to learn more and hear from you...:-)

xoxo.
Keith

RE: HI

hi keith.  thank you for the compliments.  unfortunately divorced at 36 with 3 kids who live at home with you is a bit more than i can handle.  well really it's more than that, it's that as you said in your "full disclosure" statement, you're not "really" divorced but you're working on it.....  i find it very hard to justify the fact that you're already on match looking for a new mate when you're not even finished with your old one.  wow.  and the fact that you're wearing an affliction shirt in your photo doesn't help the matter.  i think the only brand i hate more than ed hardy is affliction.  then tapout.  but affliction is worse.  i think you might want to wait till your divorce is complete in order to start dating.  or just put an offer out there saying "sugardaddy up for relationship with pretty much anyone."

i so wish you luck and hope you don't get taken to the cleaners.  that really wouldn't help your sugardaddy status.

GLAD TO SEE YOU'VE GOT LOW EXPECTATIONS

(message unnecessary, read profile below)

Well, let me start by laying all my cards on the table. I live at home with my mom and stepdad (BIG UPS KATH AND TIM), I'm a parking lot attendent, and I've never had a GF. My parents and friend say it's because I'm obsessed with the Oakland/LA RAIDERS!!! How obsessed? I have a 2 car garage sized storage locker full of RAIDERS!!! memorabilia. Unofficially it's the largest RAIDERS!!! gear collection south of Santa Barbara (Yeah Ted I recognized, but your old and fading fast. I'll be all over that estate sale). I'm also President of the Society for the Enshrinement of Ken "The Snake" Stabler in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It's currently the largest such organization. (Yo, what up Canton? Kid got a 100 wins in 153 games. That's faster than Johnny U. Only Montana and Brady have done it quicker. Yet, Elway gets in? Sure he's got two rings but thats because he had Terrell Davis (BIG UPS T. D. You were a RAIDERS!!! killer but you had class, not like Elway). The woman I'm looking for doesn't have to be a RAIDERETTE!!! but she can't root for the chiefs, broncos, or chargers. Also she can't root for any team in the NFC east or the steelers, or the packers. She must be able to recognize injustice and be willing to fight against it no matter what the blogosphere says. Of paramount importance my lady must, at all times, even when no one is looking, be committed to excellence. Please don't respond if you just want to see my collection. I would only show it after the third date anyway because it's out in Downey and I don't want to waste gas.

RE: GLAD TO SEE YOU'VE GOT LOW EXPECTATIONS

i hope your profile is a joke?

FROM A BOY

i'm a boy and gainfully employed.
i hope there are people out there
who are not ungainfully employed.
they pay back money or every hour worked!

RE: FROM A BOY

OKAY, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CRAZY PICTURE?  this is definitely the only communication you will ever get from me.  it is possibly the creepiest photo i've ever seen on this site, and i've seen men with guns, chippendale dancers, i mean i've seen a lot.... but your picture takes the cake.  you are a full blown freak.

now i have to point out that in your use of "i hope there are people out there who are not ungainfully employed" you have used a double negative, basically saying that you hope there are people out there who are gainfully employed which makes the rest of your sentence, which didn't make sense in the first place, make no sense.  i'm not quite sure how you graduated from college and became a forensic accountant without learning simple grammar principles.

re the rest of your profile, i'm not really interested in someone whose dream job is to be a hip-hop dancer.  it makes me think of those old has beens who live in fantasy worlds and spend their evenings pretending to be in some up-an-coming boy bands which suck and never amount to anything.

i'm also concerned that it took you over a year to read your last book.  that's quite a long time.

maybe go to some hip-hop clubs, show off your "skillz," and don't mention the reading thing.  might be a better way to find a girl.  :) 

FRIENDS

So not even as friends?

RE: FRIENDS

To Reader.... re the last message: this was a trick e-mail. He never e-mailed me before and I never responded. He was trying to get a response from me, but he won't get one. I'm smarter than that. Hee hee.

DAMIEN TO JACK

Forgive the intrusion from a stranger, but I couldn't resist. You seem great. You're funny, smart, and attractive. What's the catch? You seem comfortable in your own skin, and few things are as enticing as confidence.

There's only so much one can learn about a person by reading their profile, so I'd like to get in touch with you to learn more about you. How has 2010 been treating you? Can you believe that it's already October? Do you have any Halloween costume ideas yet?

2810 has been a great year for me so far. I've been to Europe twice, my small business feels more like a business than a job, and I have a new puppy. I don't have any costume ideas yet. I'm not very good at Halloween.

As for me, I am an LA native, I live at the beach, and I run a small business. I love my life and my job. I adore my dogs Destro and Arrow. I like early classes a t the gy m, but my night owl tendencies conflict with my early bird alarm clock. I also love to travel and am a serious shutterbug - I've got tons of photos of my puppies, my travels, and my friends and family on my homepage and facebook if you're interested in seeing more. ( pics.rdamienclark.com or facebook.com/rdamienc )

Let me know what you think about getting in touch. You seem awesome and I'd love to meet you.

Damien